crap....I really want to talk to Jalesa or Christian right now. But nope I can't, damn this is stupid. There is no reason why I shouldn't be able to. I kind of don't like blaming my dad for this, but man he pissis me off. I should be there now. I SHOULD! sorry, i just made a post, i thought i was done venting. but i'll go on a little bit more. At first I was really freaking mad at my dad. Then I just started feeling sorry for myself. Now, I'm just really freaking mad. Really really mad. The level of me being pissed now is a very high level of pissy, if that made sense. And what makes me even more mad, is the fact that there is absolutly nothing that I can do about it, nothing. I basically have no control over the things that happen in my life. It's all my parents. That was great untill about a year or 2 ago. Now I want to make my own decissions. Its amazing how much control over my life they have. I never really noticed it untill lately. And granted, parents should have control up until a certain point. The Indians had it straight. 13, 14 or so, you develope into your own person. I am my own person now, and I don't like what my parents want me to be anymore. The more I think about this the more angry I become. The more angry I become the more I want to do something about it. But there is nothing I can do. GAH!!! What am I supposed to do? I should just conform and do what I am "supposed" to do. But damn it I don't want to. NO. Some people might think of me a lot different after reading all my posts. But this is how I am now. This is me, I have changed a whole lot in the course of this last year or so. Maybe for worse, maybe for better. But I am what I am. I don't want to be something that I'm not just to make people happy. Now I'm not going to put on an act to make people unhappy. A lot of people do this. You know, like goths. I think they put on this act/gimic just so they'll be different. I'm just going to follow my heart and think how i think, do what I do. If this makes me different or not, its just me. I don't know if that made any sense. I don't think it did. Its hard for me to put my thought process into words sometimes. I guess I'm done for now. I'll call Jalesa tonight and make all this harder on myself. But what can I do?